What a horrible two weeks I went through. Blood sugars were up and down and there was literally too much food. From the wedding to Thanksgiving I'm still not that hungry. The wedding was beautiful no doubt about it. I had a good time as a bridesmaid and had lost the amount of weight that I wanted to for the wedding. I ran into an old flare from high school who offered me a glass of wine. Before the wedding started I was feeling shaky so I checked and I was 52, I went in the kitchen of the reception hall asking if I could have a coke and though the waitress spoke very little English and I spoke very little Spanish it was clear I was able to tell her I was a Diabetic and my blood sugar was low. I know she had medical problems because I saw her bracelet she was wearing and it was an alert bracelet so who knows she could very well be a Diabetic as well. It took three glasses of Coke to get me up to 93. During the wedding I had enough food to keep the alcohol from affecting me, and I didn't have any meat that they offered. I don't like beef, never hard, and the chicken looked to be too much for me to be able to have. SO! I had some salad, carrots, potatoes, and green beans. it all worked out to where I was full with the choices I made and I was able to bolus for the amount of carbs that I was having. I did have cake, it was good, but it was a very small piece and I was still sipping on the glass of wine that my friend from high school brought me. I did do some dancing to burn off the fatty content of what I ate and to make sure my blood sugar stayed perfect. I also had a Cranberry and Vodka, only two drinks that night and I was perfectly continent with how i felt as I ate my food, and drank the alcohol. My blood sugar only got up to about 150 that night. The wedding was wonferful and I had a lot of fun.

Thanksgiving came and went and there was too much food even for cooking so little. My aunt and I were the only ones who didn't like Oyster dressing so we had plain dressing which I helped make. It was really good, but I think we could have done with less because I was eating off of that for about three days and that was empty carbs I was filling and I know that. I only get stuffing once a year and when I get it I look forward to it. The holiday was good, but now I'm just trying to work on burning off what I gain and things like that. I was talking to a friend and she's making cookies for everyone and mailing them. When I was telling her about my Sugar Free Pumpkin Nutmeg Cheesecake I had made she had forgotten I was a D and was like "The cookies aren't sugar free." and I told her that its okay. I'm going to check, have one, and then bolus!

Anyways there's not too much going on and I know I've not posted in a while...

Forget the rest and that's all I have to deal with Deanna the pump trainer!!! Then I will have Sadie. I'm really wanting to get on my sensors and transmitter now because I want to know how it will affect my management. I've gotten back into a lot of things while getting better in control which is a good thing. So Last night was my friend's bachelorette dinner/after dinner and we went to a Hibachi restaurant and it was fun. I've been there once before, but we were not in the hibachi section. So I had quite a few drinks, now being a Diabetic and alcohol that's not a good combination, but I haven't had anything alcoholic to drink in 5 months. I had 3 Sakes, then when we went to go shoot pool afterward it was my friend from high school whose getting married, her mum, her mum's friends and her sister. It was a lot of fun. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and I haven't been able to do that in quite a long time because I've been depressed.

I do think that Diabetes causes depression at many times and it gets harder and harder. I know I should of had all the alcohol, but I felt fine and my blood sugar didn't go up as high as I thought it would. I've been closely monitoring it just to be on the safe side. I had Shrimp, Fried Rice, Onion Soup, Sushi, Chicken something... Veggies, Lo Mien. There was quite a lot of food, but I didn't eat all of it. I actually brought quite a bit home and so I'm letting my mum take the rest tomorrow for lunch. I know she will like it. I find a lot of the times my depression also comes from my grandmother who has Dementia and she's getting weaker and weaker. I'm scared. She has fallen three times in two days.

On Tuesday night apparently she had fallen when I was out having fun, and then when I was home not minutes after helping her get into her room she had fallen on the floor. It's horribly. I don't know what my poor mum's going to do. I see her pain and I want to talk to her about it, but I don't want to talk to her about it because I know what she feels.. Helpless. I want to be able to help her and my grandmother and I am unable to do that. I lie awake at night wondering when my grandmother's going to fall again. I know it sounds that bad, but there have been times where I have gone to sleep and she's fallen, she doesn't call for help at times and she tries to get up on her own so I only discover her the next morning when I walk by her room.

I'm struggling with a lot of things in life and I never know how to verbally express myself which is bad. I'm trying to find a poem I wrote about Diabetes when I was diagnosed. Here's a poetry site by a net chat buddy who passed away from Heart failure. Gary was the life of CWD and so here's his link. http://www.diabetespoetry.com/about_this_website.html he is the one who actually got me to enjoy poetry though it was with Diabetes and such, he helped me revise one of my poems about Diabetes and so I'm hoping to find it somewhere!

What is it with people!!! I've got Bronchitis and so I've had some high numbers. While I was gone today to a Weight Watcher meeting the pump trainer had called my house. She wanted to know what my numbers were since the 11th, well I was reading off my numbers to her and I was VERY proud that I had gotten some of my numbers back down to the 120- 150 range and she was wanting me to take insulin during the day because I was at 200 and I'm ON THE INSULIN PUMP!! I get my insulin during the day..

So as she was ridiculing me she said that I was "high, high, high ... your high.."

Well no joke! I know I'm high. So I told her that she wasn't even acknowledging the fact that I've had good numbers! I told her that and I continued to read them off again.

She was like "Your right I'm not, because when I met you.. They were high." then she proceeded to go into saying. "It's not your fault, your high.." BS LADY your so blaming me!!! 

My mum called the house today and I told her what had happened and she told me to stick it out for a month because then I will have someone new. I'm sorry, but I've been going through all of this mess for so long and I'm tired of medical personnel to tell me "It's not your fault." but then on the outside of the conversation they are blaming me. I had called the other trainer and vented in the voicemail about what happened because this is really starting to bother me. I DON'T want to deal with someone whose not going to be supportive and tell me how to change things rather then accuse me.

Three of the 'good' s's when your sick! I called my mum at work about 10 this morning explaining to her how I didn't feel goodand that I wasn't going to go to school so she told me to take my temperature. I didn't have a high one, and I haven't been taking anything for my cold/cough because I'm allergic to any sort of cough drop and medicine not like breaking out into hives or not being able to breath, but by the mere taste and consistency of the liquids. Halls cough drops make me throw up and any other cough drop I feel the same way. I'm surprised at what my blood sugars have been today because normally when I am sick they are in the 300 - HI 

Since I had the problems with Deanna the pump trainer I have gone back to all of my settings because I know what works well for me and I've been battling this on my own for two months round about I think I know my target of 100 - 150 is out of range, but it works and I'm pleased with the numbers except for the 241 and 232.

1am 141

3:25 156

7am 137

10am 157

11 carbs 1.8 u correction 1.0 total 2.8

11am 241 correction .9

1pm 127 46 carbs 7.4 u correction .2  total 7.6

2pm 191 .6 correction - right here my pump didn't want to do any corrections and I don't know why. Sometimes when I have a number I don't like and I don't put in any carbs it says nothing to correct, but if I do it again it will give me new corrections. So I took it into my own hands and corrected it with .6

5pm 135

7pm 232 45 carbs 7.5 u correction 3.2 total 10.7

So far everything is looking good other then my TDD being at 58.60 so far today yesterday it was at 54.30 

I do realize that my TDD's are all over the place, but because of some days being TOM and some days of not giving a crap because I'm completely tired of this I know that I have to get through it and that someday there will be a cure. 

Many things worry me and i want to get my A1c's down and in control so I can have children in the future and what worries me is because I've pretty much been in denial for 9 1/2 years will my children get Diabetes?

Last night my best friend was staying the night and she wanted something with chocolate. I don't get it too often and so we went to Baskin Robins and I got real ice cream. I had two scoops of Rocky Road and Mint Chocolate Chip. Yes, prior to dinner I was at near 400, but I was still going to have my ice cream. I took my blood sugar for the night, bolused, and enjoyed my ice cream. I don't exactly remembered how much I was for either of the two, but I don't get real ice cream all the time so I think I'm managing things better and I hope that by next week to be able to come down on my basals.

Basals:

12a 1.7

4am 2.0

8am 1.95

12pm 1.45

5pm 1.65

8pm 1.95

10pm 1.0

11pm 1.2

I know that my basals are all over the place, but this is where I feel comfortable. I hope with the good changes in my blood sugars that I can go down on my 4am, 8am, 12pm, 8pm, and get rid of my 10pm. It's the best I can do and I don't see my new endocrinologist until December 16th. So if anyone can help me in figuring out how much to go down each time please let me know.

After last night and all I ripped off my pump and have been doing shots today... I don't miss the shots, but I will be reconnecting soon. I am indeed sick with either Strep Throat or something else. I do have the green gunk, I am having my horrible ear infections and I'm going to be calling my mum or something soon to see if she can pick me up some Sprite Zero [There's no sugar in it and they don't make diet sprite anymore unless it's in a can] so that I can be able to drink stuff and get it down. Water is too thick, and it doesn't get cold as easily as the Sprite does. My grandmother woke me up super early this morning and I wish she hadn't.. [12:57 is super early when your sick in my book] and now I'm waiting up to finish cleaning the kitchen. At the carb counting class I got one of the Calorie King Calorie Far& Carbohydrates books from MiniMed so this will make somethings more adjustable. 

Did you know that if you look on a nutrition facts on the back of anything and if you have more then 5 fibers you divide that by half, and take the half of the fibers and subtract it from the total amount of Carbohydrates? I sure didn't!