Hello Sally, I always look forward to reading your posts. Yes we all have some level of denial. I think you can never be totally free of it. In some cases it can be a good thing. When does honesty turn from being a tool we use to make our life better to a sharp weapon we wound our heart. .

Sometimes we need to pull the wool over our own eyes so we can focus on what needs to be done. We pucker up our lips and whistle a happy tune so we no longer feel so afraid. (Now I have that old song in my head. LOL

I hear your words and know how true they are. Survivors all have a case of the stubborns. It is what makes us warriors and sometimes when we can help others, a hero.

When the wind blows and rain falls and the ground shakes beneath our feet. Where hope abides we can endure it all and make each other smile.

Best wishes and good thoughts my friend.

Will

Sally, I too am in an introspective mood this morning. God provides what we need and I needed your post today. I too have been thinking of all my medical conditions and which one I would give up, if given the chance. I, too, was a very active woman until I was 45 and my body turned itself on me. Believe me along the way there have been moments when I wished I wasn't a fighter. But I am. I don't know how to not fight, not to strive for what might be better. For example,I went back to school in 1990 to earn both my undergrad and master degrees. Toward the end, my instructors saw how badly the stress of school was impacting my health. One professor suggested I accept less then "A" work. I was in tears immediately, and I didn't know how to explain I didn't know how to study for anything less.

It seems the challenges in the day just carry one forward. Getting those degrees were a lifelong dream and I was afraid I would not succeed. However, I did succeed and was able to teach for several years before I had to retire.

Today is the day I prepare for my two days of I.V. therapy. I usually tidy-up the house, so it's presentable for the nurse. I bathe and wash my hair, since the I.V. tends to make me sleep around the clock for 72 hours. I make a shopping list of easy, acceptable food and send my daughter off to the grocery store. I premedicate, because I have terrible flu-like side-effects from the medicine. The premedication lessens those effects but makes me very tired. So, by the end of the day, I'm exhausted. I found myself not doing all these things this time. I've found myself asking the question which is worse?--the side effects or the condition it improves.

I, too, faithfully took my 9 pills and one shot this morning. Hoping it might take some of the pain away, believing through faith only that all this medication will do more than just upset my stomach. Yet, knowing that not one of my conditions have a cure. So, I often ask myself why I go through this ritual everyday, every two weeks, and so on. It always comes back to exactly what you said: I'm a fighter, I don't know how to do it any other way.

My daughter just came back home from the store, so we're going to tackle what is for lunch. Over the next two days, my diet won't be too diabetic friendly, but I try. Take care and be good to yourself.