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Mental health
2 years ago  ::  Dec 23, 2012 - 11:05PM #9
faithr
Posts: 212

Steven, I too am so sorry for your loss.  I can't even imagine bearing that weight.  I share your love of the ocean and feel drawn there whenever I feel the need to sort out some of lifes challenges.  I try to get at least one trip into southern california per year.  I love it there and find the long beach walks really help me to get settled and grounded.  Please take care of yourself during these difficult days.  There is no shame in being the one to lean on others and take a break from being the strong one.


May peace be yours this holiday season.


Faith

2 years ago  ::  Dec 23, 2012 - 6:33PM #8
panmat1
Posts: 660

Steven, sorry for the loss of your son. My brother's son died in October, still no report as to why. It had a major impact on our family as he was 38. It took me a few weeks to get my food and numbers straightened out. After the holidays I will talk to my insurance company about where I can go for some emotional support in dealing with this disease. I am doing one day/meal at a time. Christmas meal will be just Dh and me . Brunch at my son's house. It will make life a bit easier, not cooking/baking for everyone. Nancy

2 years ago  ::  Dec 23, 2012 - 2:36PM #7
bandito1047
Posts: 32

So sorry Steven for the loss of your sons life.  I thank you for his service.  I can't imagine the pain you must feel on a daily basis and there is no shame in showing or feeling it.  Perhaps there are some support groups in your area that can help?  With having no kids of my own let alone losing any I am grasping at straws for any advice, but know that we are all here as a sounding board for you anytime.



Melinda

2 years ago  ::  Dec 23, 2012 - 6:02AM #6
Steven
Posts: 61
type2

Mental issues... Well, this is an interesting topic. I have never in my life up until now really thought much about them. I have always been such a realist and in touch with myself personally that I have always been seen as the rock to far too many people with problems. I have more and more becoming more in tune with what I can as most men do as a weakness.. there are many many fissures beginning to show in the rock and its like everything on the planet worn down with the time on the planet.. the fissures become cracks that can be felt, and seen.. mostly by us, but then its noticed by those who have known you as the person who never had any problems, the tough one.. the one who would and could never be touched. And when those people realize that you are no longer the one.. they are gone faster than a pocket full of quarters at the arcade. 


The years of toting everything around has started to show, things that you'd simply deflect have started to get through to the weakened armor. The armor of being strong and working through everything regardless. The mission, the responsibilities, the years.. time is an odd hour glass for humans.. the younger you are, the slower the sand sifts to the bottom end of the vial... as we age, the sand flows faster and faster and it seems that rather that trying to take care of others constantly becomes less and less a worry as we notice that the age and our bodies and minds are just starting to wear out. I am worn down. A product of sports and life in the proverbial trenches, the chosen and violent and even sought after physical and mental pugelistic life. The challenge of living in a world where people underestimate you and you HAVE to not only prove them wrong, but attempt in your own mind to shame them into admitting that you are so much better at whatever it is that they know that they are defeated. To what point? I'm not even sure. We men (I do not speak for them all) have to see things and something to be beaten, everything is a challenge to win.. and winning is a myth. Winning causes damage... damage that we cover and conceal and brag about the scarring that it causes...


I am starting to really feel all of this. The age, the battles, the losses, the fickle and frankly vile nature of the human animal. They cannot be trusted and deep down, I think everyone really knows this. We came into this world alone, and thats how we are all going out. I sit here now alone in the dark house in the wee hours of the morning.. I've been up for hours just killing time, working doing what I need to get done later for work here at home. I have been waking up almost every day at 3:15 in the AM. This is the almost exact time locally in Iraq that my son lost his life. Somedays, i wake, look at the time and smile that he has once again decided to give me a nudge to tell me that he is still out there somewhere. And other times like today, I just get up and start the day. 


I took a trip to California last week. The trips are getting a bit harder but I must visit the sea.. the sea and all of its smells and sounds is about the only place on the face of the earth were all is right. I will someday return to the sea were all life began. but for now, the struggle continues. 


Sorry for the novel... just emptying the bucket that I tote around... it was time to empty it.. 


2 years ago  ::  Dec 21, 2012 - 11:39AM #5
copperhairpin
Posts: 861
type2

I do have a therapist that comes to my house twice a week.  We discuss everything and I discussed weight issues and my past with her.  When I was about 12 I had depression and social isolation.  I was very tall and large bone for my age and I ate for comfort.  My weight at that young age topped 198 lbs.  It is surprising that I didn't get type 2 diabetes then.  Later I spent a few years as a thin person.  What a life changing experience it was.  I had learned how society loves the thin and is hard on the overweight.  What I thought about over the years is no one told me that I could lose weight when I was a child.  I saw a doctor when I was the 12 that I would never have a boyfriend, get married, or have children.  He devestated me.  But I swear that not one adult in my life told me I could lose weight with excercises or food portions and there was no form of therapy in my area back then.  It brought me a lot of pain and a life time of feeling inferior to my peers.  The doctor was wrong by the way.  I had a lot of boyfriends over the years, three husbands, two children, and three grandchildren, and a very meaningful relationship with my Hal in the present.


So you parents out there, watch out for your kids and your grandkids and advise them in gentle encouraging ways.  It can make all the difference in their whole life.


I have gained alot of weight over the years and it is an ongoing battle for me.  Diabetes definitely has been a challenge with some rewards.  For everything in your life usually has a silver lining.  I appreciate all of you that I have met and shared with and dLife has been my main source of education and encouragement. 


Sally

Sally
2 years ago  ::  Dec 17, 2012 - 10:57PM #4
faithr
Posts: 212

I think there is no shame in going to counseling.  It is like anything in life that we need to learn.  Learning to change our relationship with food is something that we can learn.  I know that counsellling is something I have thought about doing because of some of my issues around my body image and the anger I have with my parents handling of my wieght.  I have done lots of work myself around dealing with some of the emotion but I will likely go to a few sessions of conuselling to get at some of the tougher issues around how I feel about myself.  I also have to deal with some of the grief I fell about the things in life that I have missed because of my obesity.


I think food and food addictions is one of the tougher things to deal with because we can't simply quit eating.  Food is so tied in to our sense of self, family tradition, celebration and reward.  It is also how we show love, comfort and nuturing.   A few years ago I stopped drinking when I realized that I was not using alcohol in a healthy manner.  In some ways it was easier because I simply didn't have it in the house and I didn't go to places where there was alcohol.....it is pretty hard to do that with food.  With food I have had to reshape how i view it and take a  hard look at what and why I eat.  Often it wasn't about hunger or the need for actual food.  It was more about emotional hunger.


I do hear you about feeling angry about diabetes and what it means for food.  I especially feel it when I am traveling and need to find quick, portable food choices.  It is often really difficult to find healthy choices.  I must say that for the most part people in my world are really supportive and try to offer me healthy options or try to find out what is good for me to eat.  I am thankful for that.  I am also a good cook so I have been able to produce some pretty good options for times when I want a sweet treat.  This weekend I made a white chocolate chip, cranberry and pecan cookie with brown sugar twin, xyletol and whole wheat flour.  They are really tastey and only about 15g carb....very manageable.  I have also made some really good brownies and other cookies that are within tha 15g carb range. 


Bottom line, I try to make halthy choices and stay within my carb allowance the majority of the time.  Once in a while I give myself permission to have a treat or a special meal.  I enjoy life and then I get back to my regular routine again.  I try to remember that the overall goal is to enjoy life and stay healthy and I can do both as long as I love myself enough to keep my eating reasonable. 


How does everyone deal with the frustration of having to always be "food conscious?"


 

2 years ago  ::  Dec 17, 2012 - 8:08PM #3
bandito1047
Posts: 32

I don't know if this would help you but if I want something sweet, I test my sugars and once they come down after dinner or lunch or whatever then I will allow myself a small amount of what I am craving.  Maybe it would help you to say no if you didn't have to say it all the time?

2 years ago  ::  Dec 17, 2012 - 7:52PM #2
copperhairpin
Posts: 861
type2

I do understand the reality of your world.  Maybe it is the same for most of us you think?  I think your husband reminds me of my mother when it came to one personality trait.  If my mother found out someone was trying to diet she would offer them even more food out of a mixed up compassion.  She meant well.  Maybe that is why your husband does what he does.  But in reality we have to speak up and just say it.  "I know you love me so I wonder if you could help me by not offering me **** or ****.  I have trouble saying no".  I know that is easier said than done though.  My mate and I are both diabetic and we definitely do have the same problem you have.  I cannot say no if I am offered something unhealthy.  I don't think he could either.


I think councelling could be a good idea for you.  It is hard to keep anger and/or frustration bottled up inside of us.  It just festers.  Holidays are hard I know.  Thank goodness it passes and the beginning of next year will be back to normal.  Just hang in there.  I know we have to too because most people really do not have the faintest idea how to cook for diabetics.  They think it is just an issue of sugar.


Sally

Sally
2 years ago  ::  Dec 17, 2012 - 1:11PM #1
panmat1
Posts: 660
Have any of you had mental health counseling to deal with food anger issues? I get angry about food, Especialy after having holiday and parties with tons of extra food that they all bring to house expecting me to not eat it Sealed, but I do Eat it. Then my A1C is up.  Get angry inside when I see my husband sit across from me with a pile of food and I have a six inch plate, with measured out for 30 carbs. I exercise, take my meds, try and eat correctly but sometimes I just can't do it.  I am looking at a bit of counseling just to have someone to understand, a nonjudgmentalreason. DH tries, he honestly does. But he also can be the one to give me chocolate or a blizzard. nancy
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