I think I'm back for a while.  I haven't posted since Halloween.  I have been very ill.  It started out with another of those dreaded bladder/kidney infections (the second in the past 3 weeks. . .probably the same one).  I immediately again got medication from the doctor.  Unfortunately, I'm allergic to many antibiotics.  I've learned to try taking Benadryl along with it which cuts down the side-effects.  Last time that worked.  But with only a week between doses, this time it didn't work so well.  I started getting really nauseated, so much so that I had to break out the Compazine, since I know how important it is to get some food down.  I wasn't clear yet on what was going on.  On the second day, I noticed my face really red and swollen a bit.  Figured it was water retention, so I pulled out the water pills.  Early on the third day, the blisters started.  I still didn't figure it out until I went to take the evening dose and I just looked at the medication and wondered.  I didn't take it and by yesterday, around noon, the blisters were disappearing.  Yep, I just can't do the Benadryl thing again, which means I have a big problem.  I'm also allergic to two other antibiotics the Dr has tried. 

This has, however, reinforced something my Dr told me about my diabetes, which I've been struggling with.  She wants me to keep my carbs between 30-40 per meal and to eat several small meals a day, rather than the typical three.  Well, just eating three tiny meals a day has been a chore (thank God for whole wheat, peanut butter, diet jelly, and apples).  At first I was worried about blood sugars nose diving and they did.  I am very, very rarely in the 80s, but during this illness I've been as low as 83.  I knew it would drop lower so, with the help of the Compazine, I would eat an apple.  Then, about two and half hours later, most of a PB&J whole wheat sandwich, test again at the 2.5 hours and it would be around 107.  I did that ritual for almost the entire three days.  Only once did my bs go to the 180 range, which I usually fight all the time.  The nausea is better, but not gone.  However, it has shown me that, for me, as the Dr suggested, I have to eat much smaller amounts and more often throughout the day and test frequently. 

Other things added to my misery.  Every other weekend, for two days, I take a 6 hour Gammagrd I.V. each day.  The side-effects are flu like symptoms, especially sinusitis.  I take a lot of Benadryl during the treatment and for three days after.  It usually is enough to counter the side-effects.  Only with my system drained from the other infection, the sinusitis was really bad, adding to the nausea.  On top of that I ended up with a really bad tooth ache.  I don't have dental insurance, and I've been putting off having a tooth fixed.  Well, it chose this moment to rear its ugly head.  (Yes, it's on my Nov. list of things I need/want to do.) 

During this whole three and a half days, I could barely drag myself out of bed.  Despite that, today I called the doctor (my ortho) to find out what had happened to my water therapy referral.  It's my commitment to me to try to build up my tolerance and maybe find some exercises to do in bed or my wheelchair that won't cause my body to go into spasms.  Well, the doctor's nurse is trying to find out what happened to their October 19 referral. 

Small steps.  I have to take such small steps.  Maybe that's not so bad.  A lot of blogs lately have been quoting the quotes of most 12-step programs.  I haven't been able to not remember my first few years in AA (I'm 34 years sober this January 28).  I struggled the same way with that as I have with the diabetes.  It took three years of off and on trying to finally get it and finally started staying sober, learning and growing, one-day-at-a-time.  Denial was such a big problem for me.  As with the diabetes, in the beginning, I just could not see how it was damaging me spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  That's what happened with the diabetes.  I saw it through skewed glasses, only the physical, which meant I was ignoring the other two parts of who I am.  Some one quoted keep it simple (its actually K.I.S.S.: keep it simple stupid).  One of you even quoted the serenity prayer.  So, now reminded of taking things slow and one day at a time, changing what I can, accepting what I can't, I now am trying to find the courage to learn the difference.  This is my second big promise to myself for this month a re-dedication.  It's also my way of sharing the most personal part of myself, holding back nothing, in hopes of helping others.  Service was/is a very big part of AA recovery.  As with AA, I will always be a diabetic.  When my A1c is low, I'm eating right, and I'm exercising to the best of my ability, I'll be in recovery--not recovered. 

Well, I'm tired.  I'm going to test, eat an apple, and later ponder over the blogs of others.  Thanks for allowing me to share.   Sharon